I am living a wonderful life. Everybody goes through trials and tribulations and my life is no different. I am a 33-year-old male who just went through a career change. I never expected to make a career change at this point in my life. I knew that if I wanted to live a long life, as well as being there for my wife and son, that I would have to make a change. I was a firefighter/paramedic and now I am a financial representative, which changed in the matter of 3 months. Now let me tell you how I got to this point.
October 2nd 2016 was one of the best days in my life. My wife gave birth to our beautiful baby boy. We named him Nico and he instantly changed our lives forever, in the best way possible. I had enough time saved up at work in that I was able to take an entire month off, in order to help raise our son at home. But that month went by quicker than I would have thought.
November 2016, was when I went back to work. It was pretty uneventful, except I was lucky enough to not have any calls over night, which meant I actually got some sleep! After two of my 24 hour shifts it was time to go home for a few days before going back to the grind. However, I would not be going back to the grind for quite some time. I started to suffer from panic attacks that left me frightened for my life and unable to do the career that I had loved for 10 years. I was lucky enough to have a Chief who understood the seriousness of behavioral health disorders and allowed me to take another month off in order to regroup and become mind healthy once again. Through my primary care physician and therapist, I thought that I was getting back on track. But as quickly as I thought I had overcome what afflicted me, I lost it just as quick. I knew I could not go back to work by the end of the month. I once again had to talk to my Chief. This time I had my wife by my side. She has been by my side the whole time. My Chief, wife and I decided that it was time to try Outpatient therapy. This was scary, the unknown tends to be.
December 2016, I started in Outpatient therapy in a program called Cognitive Behavioral Therapy or CBT for short. I quickly learned that the anxiety I had about entering the program was baseless. It was a place where I could share, a place where people listened, and where no one judged. I was so worried that people wouldn’t understand, because they were not paramedics and did not share the same experiences. But it turns out, they didn’t need to. They used empathy to replace common experiences. I went to CBT for three days a week for 5 weeks. I built friendships and confidence in myself. My wife and I were as close as we had ever been, she has always had my back. By the last week I was ready and itching to go back to work. I wanted to get back on the trucks and help other people, now that I had helped myself.
January 2017, was when I was released to go back to work. Anxiety had seemed to be all but gone. I could concentrate like I had prior to the past few months events. It was great to get back into the firehouse and be with “the guys” again. It made me feel human again. As soon as I came back, our department hit the ground running. Calls seemed to come out of the woodwork, and quite serious ones at that. It was rough, but at the same time with my new found coping techniques I felt that I was healthier mentally than I had been in a long time. But a person can only take so much trauma in a life time. No one deserves to see what first responders see on a fairly constant basis.
February 2017, unknowingly, was the last month I would work as a firefighter/paramedic. We continued our pace of serious and mind-altering calls. Looking back, I can say that in the 6 weeks that I had been back, the amount of serious calls I had in that short amount of time was what I usually ran in a year’s time. February 23rd was the day I had to make the hardest decision of my life. I woke up that morning with every intent to go to work. It felt like any other day at first. But suddenly my heart started to race. My mind started to have circular thoughts that felt like a hurricane in my head. So many words were swimming around in my head. It was hard to know what my brain was trying to tell me. I really tried to open the door to get out of the house and go to work, I collapsed instead. My body would not allow me to go any further. My wife was as scared as me. She was able to call my Chief, as I was unable to speak in this moment of crisis. I did not go to work that day, and after talking with my wife, we made the decision that I would never be going back. The career that for so long defined who I was. The career that I had loved for so long.
March 2017, the official month in which I retired. My Chief was sad to see me go. I was sad to leave, but if I didn’t leave I would not be able to truly heal. In order to help others, you must be able to help yourself first when needed. I retired on March 14th. I was lost, what was I going to do now? I only knew being a paramedic/firefighter. I was lucky in that I had a great therapist along with a support system which included my wife, family and friends. It didn’t take long to figure out what I was going to do.
April 2017, was the month in which I decided which route I would take in my next stage of life. I love math and I also love investments so I decided that something in finance was where I wanted to go. My good friend from high-school reached out to me for an opportunity to become a financial representative for a fortune 100 company. I could not resist the opportunity even if a 100% commission based job scared me a bit. I decided that I needed to take a chance. I already made a huge change in my life and now it was time to move forward. I went through their process. I had 3 interviews, 2 tests and was in competition with 60 other applicants. They picked me to move on to their training program. They would not be disappointed.
May 2017, the month I earned a whole new certification. I became licensed as an Insurance agent. My first of many more classifications that I would need to continue in this career. I took this opportunity that was in front of me very seriously. I went in to the office prior to even receiving a contract in order to learn as much as I could about the career before I would start full time. I have made mentors, friends and amazing people who I can now ask for help when I need it while learning my new job.
I have no regrets of becoming a firefighter/paramedic. It was a very important time in my life and I grew a lot as a person. I also learned that it is okay to seek help. Unfortunately, a lot of people wait until it is too late to ask for help. This could ruin a life or multiple lives. I consider myself lucky to have such a strong support system in which I was able to make such a huge life change. Not everyone is afforded such an opportunity. I know that I will be okay, but it will take continual work. I am okay with this, because the best things in life are worth fighting for.
My continual growth as a human will always evolve throughout my lifetime. Over the past 6 months it feels like a whirlwind of evolution in a short frame of time. However, I have come out of this pressing time a healthier person. Weight has lifted off of my shoulders. I feel like I can be there for my family again. I no longer have to worry about the next emergency that we would respond to. I am looking forward, but only a day at a time. The only one who will get in my way is myself, and I will not let that happen. Today I am stronger, and each day I will continue that upward trend. I am a financial representative. I was a firefighter/paramedic and I hold no regrets.
My Brain Staged a Coup 